After finding out that I had stage 3 breast cancer that was an aggressive tubular cancer and the mass was large, my mind flew into a dark deep tunnel and I felt completely alone.  No one else was there, and no one else could help me.  My control was gone¸ My God had disappeared and my family didn’t know what to do to help me.  After days of seeing different doctors, radiation and chemotherapy specialists, the matter only worsened. A foreign language was spoken and I didn’t understand.

At my darkest time, I realized that I had to wake up to the reality that yes, I did have breast cancer.  I had to accept that fact and although I couldn’t control it physically, I could educate myself about the treatments offered. I could learn more about breast cancer itself and most of all, get rid of the helpless feeling that I had growing inside me.  Learning about the new life path I had to travel was very painful and frightening.  The wealth of information sometimes sent me reeling.  But at the end (or beginning ?) of my self-education into breast cancer, I had knowledge.  If I questioned anything, anything at all, I would ask my health professional for clarification.

So, you see, even at my “dark tunnel” time, I learned that I could persevere, I took charge and overcame a lot of my fear.  God hadn’t forsaken me, no, he was guiding me.  You have probably all heard this poem, “Footprints in the Sand” ” written by Mary Stevenson. A poem I go to many times.

I had a funny (or maybe I should call it phenomenal experience when I went in to surgery.  One of the nurses asked, would I mind if a priest and a nun go into surgery with me.  They wanted to follow my surgery and stay at the hospital to try to better understand what women actually went through while having a mastectomy. They also wanted to be more knowledgeable about breast cancer.  I am not Catholic, but flashing through my mind was how great would this be, to have two spiritual leaders close to me in surgery?  Thank you God!  Really, it still gives me shivers to think about it.  They did just that, with a quiet prayer before I entered surgery and another when I left the hospital.  Quite truthfully from that time on I had a mental strength that I myself could not believe I could ever possess. 

I became a volunteer for Reach to Recovery as soon as possible on my “survivor” road.  I was blessed with a wonderful Reach to Recovery visitor.  She came to my hospital room and shared a bit of her journey, brought me some most helpful goodies regarding my recovery time. But, she mostly listened and advised when it appropriate for her to do so.  I knew this was something I wanted to do down the survivor road. To help others walking this same difficult path. This was the time that I realized the experience that I was going through was not just about me. It involves all those who have been singled out to go down the breast cancer road. I owe all of you wonderful women that may experience breast cancer to let you know my story and how through all the bad moments, I am a better person because of it. 

Have you heard of Lymphodema?  This is very important information that I want to share with you: lymphedema refers to swelling that occurs most often in your arms or legs. It may affect just one arm or leg, but sometimes lymphedema can involve both arms or both legs.

The swelling occurs when a blockage in your lymphatic system prevents the lymph fluid in your arm or leg from draining adequately. As the fluid accumulates, the swelling continues.

No cure for lymphedema exists. But lymphedema can be controlled. Controlling lymphedema involves diligent care of your affected limb.  I have a mild case of lymphedema and wear a sleeve to keep the swelling down. I am lucky as I do not have a severe case, to me it’s just a nuisance, but it can be severe and you owe it to yourself to know as much about as possible.  I have included a couple of links below, you will find much information on the web.

Last but not least, I am a 12 year survivor!! 

Resources:

Mercy Hospital, Cedar Rapids IA, Breast & Bone Health

St. Luke’s Hospital, Breast & Bone Care

Susan G. Komen for the Cure

UI Breast Health, Iowa City IA, Breast Cancer

Mercy Hospital, Cedar Rapids IA, Lymphodema

Mayo Clinic, Rochester MN, Lymphodema

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.