Chris from Iowa, Survivor 1995 & 2005

My Story

In 1995 I was diagnosed the first time with breast cancer after my annual mammogram.  I had a feeling that it was cancer when the x-ray department called me back to have more pictures taken.  I remember sobbing in my surgeon’s arms.  What a wonderful man he was!!  He scheduled me for surgery within days, stating it was an aggressive cancer but it was caught early.  After the initial sobbing break down, I went into a fighting mode.  My surgeon said we would lick this cancer and I believed him.  In preparation for surgery, I did all sorts of positive activities:  prayer, exercise, good food, positive visualizations, etc.

The day of surgery I took my usual early morning walk.  It was a gray day.  No sun but….I looked over my shoulder and there was a rainbow in the sky.  How could that be?  I knew it was a divine sign from God that everything would be OK.  I felt very blessed.

I had a mastectomy of my left breast.  I chose not to have reconstructive surgery.  My feeling was that (1) I wanted to make sure I was cancer free before doing anything and (2)( more important to me) I did not want more cutting on my body nor did I want any foreign substance in my body.

Fortunately for me, I did not have to go through radiation or chemo at that time.  I adjusted to being lopsided for 10 years.  That was probably the hardest process for me.

My husband was wonderful.  He accepted me lopsided or not.  I was still very sexually appealing to him.  He stated that he did not want me to go through any more surgery or pain and I knew he meant it.  I was the one who had trouble accepting my appearance.  But over time I came to terms with my lopsidedness.

One thing that helped me accept my lopsidedness was a poster I saw.  When I was ready to be fitted for my prosthesis, I visited a lovely lady’s lingerie shop.  In the fitting room there was a large poster of a beautiful young lady who had one breast removed.  I looked at that poster and said “Wow, she is pretty, happy, and she only has one breast.”  If she is so “together” with all this then I can be also.  And that is why I am part of this special project [www.PortraitsAndStories.com].  I am happy, healthy, and (as my husband says) attractive and I don’t have any breasts.  I hope I can give some hope to someone else who is in the same situation.

In 2005 I felt a lump in my remaining breast.  At first it was diagnosed as a cyst.  I cried out to the Lord praying that it wasn’t cancer.  He gave me six months of reprieve knowing that I was not ready to deal with the challenge.  Unfortunately it was cancer.  It was a totally different kind than what I had before.  It too was caught early thank goodness.  (Those regular checkups are so important.  I always have some trepidation, afraid something will be found but…the alternative is worse by just ignoring your health.)

I chose to have another mastectomy to make sure that all of the tissue was gone although the surgeon got it all in the biopsy.  This time I did have to have chemo.  I gained a new appreciation for all those individuals who have had to experience the effects of these dramatic treatments.  It’s certainly not pleasant but we get through it.  I spent weeks on my sofa in front of the TV.  Getting up in the morning was difficult for me due to nausea.

My nurturing food that I could handle was hot instant potatoes.  My dear husband would get up first thing in the morning and whip up those instant potatoes with melted butter.  I would eat that in bed before I could get up on my feet. 

The stacks of cards I received really helped me get through the day.  Friends stopping by bring food, news, smiles and laughs.  That really helped.

For my third chemo treatment my daughter, daughter-in-law, and my nine month year old granddaughter arrived.  They stayed for the week cooking, cleaning, walking with me, and just entertaining me.  It was such a shot in the arm.

Although I have been through this difficult experience I am so happy to be alive…flat chested and all.

I discovered that even small breasts weigh a pound each.  Now when I get home I feel so much more comfortable without breasts so I whip off those two pounds and that irritating bra.  It’s sooo much more comfortable.

And as I said I am so grateful to be alive.  Five more grandchildren have arrived, I started my own Geriatric Care Management practice, and my husband and I continue to have a joyful life together.

Chris from Iowa, Survivor 1995 and 2005

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.