Losing my hair was like the first realization that there was a cancer bug running through me. It also represented a “freedom movement” for me. I stood in front of the mirror shaving my head, bawling like a baby and laughing hysterically.

–Stacey from Texas, Survivor January 2009

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

I thought I was prepared for the being bald.  But everyday when I brushed my hair each handful of hair could bring me to tears.  The last few strands of hair in front of my ears remained for several months I felt reassured whenever I rubbed them with my fingers.  Nothing made me feel like cancer more than seeing my bald head in the mirror.  I reminded myself that baldness was a sign that the chemo was doing its job.  I’m grateful to my friend who kept reassuring me that my hair lost was only temporary and that it would grow back.  I feared losing my eyebrows and worst yet would be losing my eyelashes.  Luckily my eyelashes didn’t go until after I was finished with the chemo and I was feeling better.  They were also the first to grow back. 

Rosemary from Iowa, Survivor July 2008

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

I admit one of the first things I did was calculate how long it would take to get my normal hair style back and it seemed like forever.  I am not really hung up on looks or fashion but I have not really changed my hair style since, well, high school. So it was very uncomfortable for me to do that much changing.

In my hast to feel normal, I bought four wigs, all of which were not my style. They were cute but not me. My dad said one made me look like the space age cartoon character Jane, George Jetson’s wife! It truly was cute on me, but again, it was not me.

One of my chemo nurses, Lesta,  found my style in a Paula Young catalog. Bless her heart that meant so much to me! I ordered it right away. It was amazing how much I looked like myself, most people did not notice the difference. I was so grateful. The lesson so far-the wig does not have to be expensive!

When my hair started coming out, my girlfriend, Deb, told me when it was time to cut it short enough to get under the wig. For some strange reason I needed to let it come out naturally and not shave my head. Yes, the bunches of hair in the brush were upsetting but I needed to do it that way. I can not explain why though.

I always went from my wig to a stocking cap out of view of a mirror. No one, even me saw my balding head. I suppose it was my own form of denial.

I did enjoy the curls that grew back that first year! I never had so many compliments on my hair before. And no, I did not try out a new hair style, I went back to my old self!

Barb Gordon from Iowa, Survivor May 2006 (Portraits & Stories photographer)

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

While I couldn’t control the fact that I would loose my hair as a result of chemotherapy, it was important for me to control how I lost it.  My doctor had indicated approximately when it would be gone and after how many treatments so I planned accordingly.  Ironically, I had worn my hair very short for several years and the year of my diagnosis had decided to let it grow.  While it was still short by most standards, it was long for me. 

My approach was to have it cut in stages and by Christmas of 2008 it was once again about two inches long.  I had reached my goal however, which was to have hair for Christmas.  The week after however, it was getting quite thin so I decided to have my head shaved.  For me, this decision was less traumatic than having it fall out in clumps or to have long strands mixed with bald spots. 

I must admit that there were moments in the ensuing months when I would look in the mirror at my shiny bald head and cry.  I am still uncertain whether the tears were from the baldness or the process of treatment in general.  Most likely from both.  I do know that there is no right or wrong way to approach the loss of your hair.  Hair loss doesn’t come with a manual of right or wrong answers.  Your reaction is uniquely yours and it is perfectly okay however you choose to deal with it. 

Barb from Iowa, October 2008

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.