His family has a website for Jeff at http://pullingforjeff.wordpress.com/. A fundraiser is being put together for him, I will watch for details.

June 11, 2010

Family and Friends,

My condition has worsened considerably.  On about May 29 the tumor pain started to increase and became constant.  On the first of June I had my IV injection port removed and spent the next several days in bed with pain on both sides.  I thought I would regain strength.  Over the next week my tumor (that had not grown since the blessing in March) has now tripled in size.  Cancer is truly overtaking my body. 

Why are we on this earth?  To be tried and tested so we may come to know God and we may be found worthy to return to live with him someday.  Our faith is tried so it may be strengthened.  God allows us to be tested that we may more fully come to know him. 

Don’t worry or be afraid for me.  Pray I might know God.  I don’t believe anything could test my physical, mental, or spiritual endurance more than the experience I am facing now.  But now is not the time to worry about the outcome of whether I live or die.  Now is the time to praise God, to petition to see his face and know him better. 

Over the last several days my tumor has grown to the point I can’t be upright and support the weight without great pain.  I can only be up for about 5 minutes at a time.  The rest of the time I must be in a laying position.  I have been planning and looking forward to a trip to Utah since the first of the year.  I have felt this trip was important not only for my enjoyment but to witness to my many cousins, aunts, uncles and family how much God has done for me.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was approved by the ‘Make a Wish Foundation’ to receive a wish.  I was told to wish for anything and to think BIG.  Over the next several weeks I had fun with friends and family thinking up bigger and bigger wishes.  It always surprised me how small people’s imagination was.  I could not believe a thousand dollar shopping spree (or the like) was the biggest wish many of my friends could come up with.

A couple of nights ago I was praying to Father in Heaven and asking to please just let me go to Utah and have some pain free time with my family camping and enjoying life.  Then whatever Gods wants I am ready.  As I closed the prayer my mother pointed out to me I was not thinking big enough.  Like my friends and ‘Make a Wish’ I was asking for a simple shopping spree when God stands ready to fulfill my greatest desires. 

I have been tried and tested and stand firm in my faith, willing to submit to all things.  What would you give to see God and know for sure you will live again through him.  After you have given all, would you be afraid or forget to ask to know God? It is time for me to ask that I might receive. 

My prayers have been very different the last two days.  And I have received some direction from God.  First, I was told if the mormon pioneers could cross the plains with their sick I certainly can find my way to Utah this summer to share my testimony personally with my family.  I believe this to be important and God will provide the way. 

Second, God told me again I am to live.  I will leave that in his hands.  After all, who would not give their life to see God’s face and know he lives.  Yes, I am thinking big and know what ever God grants will strengthen my faith and help me to stand firm in the Gospel for the rest of my life.  More importantly, I know I have a mission to fulfill as his special witness to Jesus Christ to bring others home to our Heavenly Father. 

God lives and loves us,

Jeff Hasara

Chris from Iowa, Survivor 1995 & 2005

Chris told me about a poster she saw at one of her doctor appointments that inspired her. It was of a woman who had had a mascetormy who was beautiful and vibrant. That poster assured Chris that she too would be fine. That image inspired Chris to want to share with other women-that it will be alright.

Before I knew Chris was a breast cancer survivor, twice, I had photographed her previously for her new business cards for her Geriatric Care Management practice.  I did not stop to contemplate that some women have reconstruction surgury and some opt not to. When she mentioned her prosthesis at the photo session, I was a bit confused as I had not thought about that and I certainly couldn’t tell the difference in her regular clothes.

We thought images like this would tell an  inspriational story, as she too is a quite beautiful and vibrant woman!

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Chris from Iowa, Survivor 1995 & 2005

My Story

In 1995 I was diagnosed the first time with breast cancer after my annual mammogram.  I had a feeling that it was cancer when the x-ray department called me back to have more pictures taken.  I remember sobbing in my surgeon’s arms.  What a wonderful man he was!!  He scheduled me for surgery within days, stating it was an aggressive cancer but it was caught early.  After the initial sobbing break down, I went into a fighting mode.  My surgeon said we would lick this cancer and I believed him.  In preparation for surgery, I did all sorts of positive activities:  prayer, exercise, good food, positive visualizations, etc.

The day of surgery I took my usual early morning walk.  It was a gray day.  No sun but….I looked over my shoulder and there was a rainbow in the sky.  How could that be?  I knew it was a divine sign from God that everything would be OK.  I felt very blessed.

I had a mastectomy of my left breast.  I chose not to have reconstructive surgery.  My feeling was that (1) I wanted to make sure I was cancer free before doing anything and (2)( more important to me) I did not want more cutting on my body nor did I want any foreign substance in my body.

Fortunately for me, I did not have to go through radiation or chemo at that time.  I adjusted to being lopsided for 10 years.  That was probably the hardest process for me.

My husband was wonderful.  He accepted me lopsided or not.  I was still very sexually appealing to him.  He stated that he did not want me to go through any more surgery or pain and I knew he meant it.  I was the one who had trouble accepting my appearance.  But over time I came to terms with my lopsidedness.

One thing that helped me accept my lopsidedness was a poster I saw.  When I was ready to be fitted for my prosthesis, I visited a lovely lady’s lingerie shop.  In the fitting room there was a large poster of a beautiful young lady who had one breast removed.  I looked at that poster and said “Wow, she is pretty, happy, and she only has one breast.”  If she is so “together” with all this then I can be also.  And that is why I am part of this special project [www.PortraitsAndStories.com].  I am happy, healthy, and (as my husband says) attractive and I don’t have any breasts.  I hope I can give some hope to someone else who is in the same situation.

In 2005 I felt a lump in my remaining breast.  At first it was diagnosed as a cyst.  I cried out to the Lord praying that it wasn’t cancer.  He gave me six months of reprieve knowing that I was not ready to deal with the challenge.  Unfortunately it was cancer.  It was a totally different kind than what I had before.  It too was caught early thank goodness.  (Those regular checkups are so important.  I always have some trepidation, afraid something will be found but…the alternative is worse by just ignoring your health.)

I chose to have another mastectomy to make sure that all of the tissue was gone although the surgeon got it all in the biopsy.  This time I did have to have chemo.  I gained a new appreciation for all those individuals who have had to experience the effects of these dramatic treatments.  It’s certainly not pleasant but we get through it.  I spent weeks on my sofa in front of the TV.  Getting up in the morning was difficult for me due to nausea.

My nurturing food that I could handle was hot instant potatoes.  My dear husband would get up first thing in the morning and whip up those instant potatoes with melted butter.  I would eat that in bed before I could get up on my feet. 

The stacks of cards I received really helped me get through the day.  Friends stopping by bring food, news, smiles and laughs.  That really helped.

For my third chemo treatment my daughter, daughter-in-law, and my nine month year old granddaughter arrived.  They stayed for the week cooking, cleaning, walking with me, and just entertaining me.  It was such a shot in the arm.

Although I have been through this difficult experience I am so happy to be alive…flat chested and all.

I discovered that even small breasts weigh a pound each.  Now when I get home I feel so much more comfortable without breasts so I whip off those two pounds and that irritating bra.  It’s sooo much more comfortable.

And as I said I am so grateful to be alive.  Five more grandchildren have arrived, I started my own Geriatric Care Management practice, and my husband and I continue to have a joyful life together.

Chris from Iowa, Survivor 1995 and 2005

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

“This experience has taught me: I can not always be in control. I have to let go and let God.”

Karen from Iowa, Survivor April 1998

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz 

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Stacy from Texas, Survivor January 2009

When I talked to Stacey on the phone for the first time she said, “I am glad I got cancer for the second time.” I was amazed and wanted to know more. During our consultation she shared a lot of her history with me. I will paraphrase: “Cancer was my saving grace because it helped me make a huge decision in my life I would not have made otherwise.” Stacey, who accepted Jesus at 14, had two ex-husbands both who were abusive. “I look at myself now as a person with self-worth.” She also shared that she had not seen her immediate family for 30 years as she alienated herself from them by the relationship she was in. Her family is her biggest supporter; they have welcomed her home with open, loving arms. She has found freedom to stand up for herself.

“The Lord has laid out a path for me, one that I am following faithfully, with every ounce of pride in me. Cancer has been Jesus’ way of saving me, and I’ll let it shine for all to see.”    –Stacey RC (Munchkin)  4/11/09

Kelsey Smart of The Art of Smart did complimentary makeup for Stacey so we could spoil her! Learn more about Kelsey at www.KelseySmart.com

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz

 www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Stacey from Texas, Survivor January 2009

“My niece Kelsey, calls herself my personal assistant, I call her my angel,” Stacey wrote. Kelsey has been to all of Stacey’s appointments and treatments.

“When you feel the urge to dance, DO IT. When you find the will to sing, SING LOUDLY. When you catch a glimpse of glory, stand in awe as the angels do.”–Anonymous

Kelsey Smart from The Art of Smart did  complimentary makeup and hair for these ladies. Learn more about Kelsey at www.KelseySmart.com

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz

 www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Barb Gordon, Survivor May 2006

Since there are two Barbs involved on this blog, I thought I had better get my photo in here!

Even though I don’t think of myself as vain, the above image is me three years later-with my hairstyle back.  It thrills me that the survivors I photograph are not like me! They are sporting those bald heads proudly and they are beautiful inside and out.

There is only one picture taken of me during my treatment time in 2006. It was at Christmas and my dad was taking pictures ” of the tree” but I did not stop him when he pointed the camera my way. I suppose maybe he needed a photo of me at that stage of treatment, even though I was not that excited about it nor was I looking at the camera.  I always wore my wig if I did not have a stocking cap on. I did not even look at my bald head in private. I will even admit, for a few days, I covered the mirrors too.

I really like graphics and I was so excited when I found light beams so I could have graphics like the actors on my favorite tv show. The waves are from an image I took in Maui last year.

Barb G from Iowa, May 2006,  photographer and founder of Portraits & Stories. Owner of www.GordonPhotography.Biz in Marion, Iowa.

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Rosemary from Iowa, Survivor July 2008

 “This is the day the Lord has made, let me live it to the fullest.”

What a fun image this was to do! I started by studying one of Rosemary’s Argentine Tango DVDs before the photo session. Her dance partner, Dwight, explained to me that a man’s job in dance is to showcase the woman. He did just that for this photo shoot! Can you feel the music?

Master Photographer Barb Gordon  www.GordonPhotography.Biz       

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Rosemary from Iowa, Survivor July 2008

Rosemary came out to my farm to be photographed in wild flowers, since I learned at our first meeting that she likes flowers and plants.

She even brought a green umbrella for one of the images I had in mind. What a helpful subject! We had the morning newspaper and a hat, but our favorite image was this delightful, approachable expression. It says to me, “Sit down, let’s chat awhile.”

For the full effect I had my husband make us some coffee for Rosemary’s mug which she color coordinated for me with her clothing. Even though you can not actuallly see it in any of the images, it tasted great. He had selected Kona coffee that we bought on our trip to Hawaii.

Master Photographer Barb Gordon, www.GordonPhotography.Biz      

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.

Barb from Iowa, Survivor October 2008

This was Barb’s favorite image.  When we first met she told me she would like a feminine look and I think we accomplished that well!

Barb is such a delightful, energetic person. As my first cancer patient subject to photograph for this project, I found out very quickly that I want to more work like this.

This image will be on display at Hall Radiation Center to showcase the Portraits and Stories project.

Master Photographer Barb Gordon,  www.GordonPhotography.Biz  

www.PortraitsAndStories.com a photo essay project to bless breast cancer survivors, their family, and friends. Find inspiration and encouragement here through photographs and stories.